In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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