Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
