I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
