I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
