I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
