Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
