the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
