Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
