never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize