the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
