A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize