Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
