Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
