I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
