If i come over, it means nothing
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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