he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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