either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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