I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
