I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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