She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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