For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
