Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
