Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
