If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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