he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
