We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
