i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
