cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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