woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
