someone threw a dead crab at me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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