Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
