is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Randomize
