Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
