Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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