Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
