awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he shaved USA in his pubs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
