How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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