all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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