And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yo dont text me then not text me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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