All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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