So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
