btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
They took my balls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
