ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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