apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
