I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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