Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize