Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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