she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
