Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
