i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
