Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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