you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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