Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
