I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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