erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
