i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
