so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
