Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
