Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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