What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
