Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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