White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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