He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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