Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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