Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
