'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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