I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
