Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize