he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
