dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
