the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How naked do you want me to be?
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