He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
