I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
we're so committed to being not committed
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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