i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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