It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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