My room smells like vodka and shame
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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