I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We need to get me chipped asap
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
