So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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