there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
