Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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