I wanna bring you to show and tell
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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