Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
