I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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