I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
